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I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  Kelejan on 7/25/2015, 10:00 pm

@boffer wrote:Marc, you're right again.  My step-mother was the primary care giver,  and had been procrastinating about the decision like a lot of folks do.  But she ended up in the hospital for a couple days for a pinched nerve after trying to man-handle my dad day after day, like must done in those situations.  I guess the silver lining is that  no longer being physically capable relieved her of the guilt she was experiencing about making the decision.  

I'm with you: I hope I die with my boots on.
I must remember to take my boots off when I go to bed.

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  boffer on 7/25/2015, 10:06 pm

LOL I think that was what cowboys used to say in the old westerns. Come to think of think of it, some of them did sleep with their boots on! Very Happy

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  sanderson on 7/26/2015, 6:04 pm

Being out of town, I have a lot to catch up on.

RB, Butternut squash can be cut in half and baked. Plain or a little salt, pepper, and real butter. Yum. Comfort food. If you like sweet potatoes, you will probably really like the squash. I also froze some after roasting and they were still delicious microwaved, sorry, rewarmed in the oven. Wink

To all those that lost parents when you were young, I am so sorry. For those who had to put parents in special care, I am so sorry. My personal opinion is that there is a profound impact and lasting imprint when a "child" loses a parent, for better or worse, young or old.

Boffer, May your step-mother (and you) feel at peace about the decision. I (only child) personally felt better after making the guilty decision to place Mother in Assisted Living and then Memory Care. I had my husband, her pastor, my ex-husband (his brother was the family court judge in charge of legally over seeing me as Conservator) and my 3 kids supporting my decisions at every step.

In the West, a man could die without his boots and definitely not work. Sleeping with your boots on meant you could wake up with them not stolen!

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  Scorpio Rising on 7/26/2015, 6:17 pm

@Marc Iverson wrote:
@Scorpio Rising wrote:I do think volunteers are superior in many ways, they typically get an early start, and ave by definition hardy little buggers!  I like to give them a chance, and see what they turn out to be.

As for the other struggles, it seems there are extremes of experiences; my dad died when I was 13, my mom, who never worked or even wrote a check, then had to take over.  I became the "man of the house" so to speak, which didn't go so well at times.  Then my mom died when I was 29, both suddenly.  So, I didn't have the trials and tribulations you are speaking of, but my grief and loss happened all up front and in a lump sum.  Not sure which is worse....but I know how it feels to grieve.

Hugs from here in Ohio, to all who suffer and have sorrow.



I can't speak to anyone's specific situation, especially one losing their parents so young, but feel that, generally speaking, a sudden loss can be a mercy compared to having illness or injury drag the natural processes out.  When I or any of my family members and friends go, I wish us all the standard quick and painless end.

Honestly, Marc, I am sometimes grateful that I don't have to deal with all of the details you are left with. And the worries, I never had them. Just gone. My mom was in a coma for a month, which necessitated an end of life decision. My sibs were secure in the knowledge of what she would want, so that was not a problem. My dad just died. I was in 8th grade.

It all sucks.

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  Kelejan on 7/27/2015, 10:33 am

@Marc Iverson wrote:
@CapeCoddess wrote:
Lost my dad to Alzheimer's in '08.  He was sweet and fun the whole time and didn't go into hospice until 5 days before his death.  But Mom, my son and hired help cared for him in his Florida home  24/7 the last 3 years of his life.  Then it took Mom another 3 yrs to recover from being a caregiver.  She really never did get her previous health and strength back.

I wouldn't be surprised. I've read that being a caretaker can take years off a person's life.  The stress, interrupted sleep, lack of ability to get out and about for exercise or just to maintain a healthy social network and active mental life, all take a big toll over the years.

I respect caretakers, especially live-in ones, a lot more than I used to now that I've spent more time around them and the elderly.  It can be a very demanding, responsible job.  The more I've learned, the higher my opinion of them became.

I looked after my husband for nearly two years until he went into hospice care for the last five days of his life.  After he died, and I recovered from the stress a bit, I was told that I looked ten years younger.  I always thought I looked OK and was surprised to hear what others thought. But I have seen it myself when I lived in England, when I saw a neighbour some months after she lost her husband.

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

Post  Marc Iverson on 7/27/2015, 1:35 pm

Glad to hear you and your neighbor bounced back, kelejan!

Just having your sleep interrupted alone can be cumulatively extremely hard on a person's mental and physical health, and really strip away one's physical and mental and emotional energy. It can even greatly increase the chance of developing metabolic syndrome, thereby helping make a person gain weight in exactly the wrong place! Sheesh! So much comes down to simply giving the body a fair chance to recover, and without good sleep, forget it, you'll always stay on the downside of the health and energy equation.

When my dad passed, my mother started sleeping normally for probably the first time in decades, as my father always got up to pee a few times a night even when young, and that increased dramatically as he got older, and finally when he was in a really bad state she had to participate every time, helping him get to the toilet and do it right and then get back to bed. She still gets up before sunrise even in the summer, as old habits die hard, but at least she can stay up past 8 p.m. now without feeling like her head is spinning, and doesn't feel exhausted all the time.

Hope you're feeling more vigorous now too!

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Re: I took some pictures of the ugliest SFG

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