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Unfortunately, Mr. W. is dead.
I have seen women looking at jewelry ads with a misty eye and one hand resting on the heart, and I only know what they're feeling because that's how I read the seed catalogs in January - Barbara Kingsolver - Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
FB: Square Foot Gardening 4 U
FB: Square Foot Gardening 4 U
Certified SFG Instructor
- Posts : 1912
Join date : 2010-09-30
Age : 58
Location : Glen Burnie, MD
Fortunately, her husband knew how to make a nice stock sans pits - no olive pits, no peach pits and no little Jolie-Pitts, even though they had run amok through her beloved squares.
- Posts : 2188
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 60
Location : Acton, Massachusetts Zone 5b/6a
Unfortunately, the bbq pit was already being used to cook a spectacular feast for the Annual SFG Forum New Year's Day Celebration, so the little Jolie-Pitts decided to run home to their multimillion dollar mansion for dinner.
Fortunately, Unfortunately Game SummaryPage 1. BBG got the ALL NEW SFG book for Christmas last year. Unfortunately, his wife beaned him in the head with a shovel while filling his boxes with Mel’s Mix. Fortunately, he’s so thick headed the shovel bounced right off. Unfortunately, the shovel fell to the ground and chopped off his left leg. Fortunately, his wife was a doctor and knew just what to do. No worries, he’s good at hopping on his right leg. Unfortunately, his wife sewed his foot to his mouth. Fortunately, he was accustomed to foot in mouth disease. Unfortunately, he had stepped in llama poo. Fortunately, llama poo does not smell. Unfortunately, it doesn’t taste very good, and he was getting hungry. Fortunately, his wife made cookies. Unfortunately, they were Josh’s Reindeer Poop Cookies that made him sick the last time he ate them. Unfortunately, they were authentic reindeer poop cookies.
Page 2. Fortunately, there was also a big pile of real mincepies as well. Unfortunately, there is still that sewed up foot in mouth issue… Fortunately, Dr. BBG had on hand a feeding tube that she proceeded to insert. Unfortunately, planetoid stepped on the tube. Fortunately, the good Doc decided in the spirit of Christmas Eve she would undo every single suture from earlier in the day. Unfortunately, she had to fight her secret evil twin to do it. Fortunately, her twin was a brother, so it wasn’t hard to tell them apart! Unfortunately, they were sewn together at the hip at birth. Fortunately, they were facing each other. Unfortunately, they scared themselves when they saw each other. Fortunately, BBG retained his sense of humor and patience while waiting for one foot in mouth removal and one leg re-attachment procedure. Unfortunately, the doc put the leg on backwards, so BBG didn’t know whether he was coming or going! Fortunately, it felt FANTASTIC to get that blasted foot out of his mouth. Unfortunately, BBG got run over by a reindeer.
Page 3. Fortunately, Santa’s insurance was paid in full so BBG wasn’t stuck with all the medical bills after the holidays. Unfortunately, the reindeer, who had been scheduled to guide the sleigh Christmas Eve, was injured in the crash. Fortunately, Santa had an ole mule for back up. Unfortunately, the mule was very near-sighted. Fortunately, Santa could give his team a whistle and drive out of sight with his new Garmin GPS. Unfortunately, the Garmin’s cheap batteries went dead when the sleigh was nearly over llama momma’s alpaca farm. Fortunately, llama momma’s prize alpaca, Maximus, was up to the task of replacing the ole mule and leading the sleigh to deliver all the toys to good girls and boys! Unfortunately, Maximus lied to Santa since he is much too young to lead the sleigh, and convinced his even younger llama buddy Spartacus to join the team. Fortunately, Maximus didn’t care if he was an alpaca or llama and told the old fat guy to get the show on the road pronto! Unfortunately, for those devious tricksters who tried to give Maximus an identity crisis, he was a llama who KNEW who he was! Fortunately, Santa is good with directions and ready to roll, having made the trip so many times. Unfortunately, some parcels fell off the sleigh on the journey. Fortunately, Santa prepared for this possibility by having llama Spartacus, with appropriate chaperone elf in attendance due to Spartacus’s tender age, guiding another sleigh that was flying below Santa’s sleigh to catch the falling packages. Unfortunately, some of the packages landed right on the chaperone elf’s head. Fortunately, Christmas was nearly over so you can play this game next year.
Page 4. Unfortunately, Christmas goes waaaay too fast, and it’s sad seeing your kids get older and older. Fortunately, when they are adults, the friendship level of communication can be pretty awesome too. Unfortunately, when your kids get older, they start beating you at games traditionally played in your family at Christmas. Fortunately, if you’re very, very, lucky, one day they will get married and provide you with grandchildren! Unfortunately, you can’t take the grandkids out celebrating on New Year’s Eve. Fortunately, they don’t like hangin’ out with old people anyway. Unfortunately, some do like hanging out with their grandparents but you can hand them back eventually…..thankfully. Fortunately, we have a whole other hobby besides grandkids & a whole year’s worth of sfgardening ahead of us to prepare for!!! Unfortunately, NR is going to be spending so much time out behind the woodshed that he won’t be paying attention when Martha gets her cowboy boot stuck. Fortunately, boffer will be there to pull the boot out of Martha’s … wait how did it get stuck there? Unfortunately, it was unfortunately very unfortunate. Fortunately, Martha was holding on to the corral fence when she stepped, and the muck sucked the boot right off her foot.
Page 5. Unfortunately, it pulled her sock off too. Fortunately, her feet were clean and she had painted her toenails cherry red. Unfortunately, the bull on her side of the fence had good eyes and a “thing” about red. Fortunately, with one boot on, she could make it across the corral in ten seconds. Surprisingly, it took the bull eleven. Unfortunately, she slipped while climbing the fence and fell into the much, when who should suddenly appear but… Fortunately, a professional bullfighter appeared out of nowhere and waved the red cape to distract the bull. Unfortunately, she had her back to the bull “Women bull fighters!” Fortunately, this bull was a modern, enlightened bull who truly believed that women should be allowed to enter any profession they so desired. Unfortunately, Martha had never desired to be a toreador. Fortunately, a stray arrow struck the bull in his big horned melon. Unfortunately, this made the bull run faster. Fortunately, he ran toward the matador and not toward Martha who was spittin’ nails and ready to kick butt of the hand that had left the gate open. Unfortunately, though Martha was now safe from the bull, she was now covered in much from head to toe from her fall, ruining her pedicure on the one bare foot, and the new SFG t-shirt she’d just received at Christmas. Fortunately, boffer had a bucket of nice, clean, soapy water for her to clean up with. Unfortunately, he forgot to tell her it was ice cold spring water.
Page 6. Fortunately, Martha’s a good sport, and that shock of cold water was the final insult that broke her accumulating anger into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Unfortunately, an orphanage burned down next door as she was laughing and her neighbors looked at Martha angrily. Fortunately, she was laughing at a clown who was passing by. Unfortunately, Plantoid got his pixels all wrong & now needs to rotate his picture again. Fortunately, Rooster was on it and got plantoid’s avatar positioned correctly and thinks it pretty creative. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until that very moment when Martha was laughing at the clown, that she was filled with dread when she realized she was afflicted with Coulrophobia. Fortunately, the orphanage that burned down was an orphanage for clowns and she would soon no longer have that daily fear. Unfortunately, one poor clown was now homeless “Booo Hooo He cried, I want me Mammy” ….. (VERY LOUDLY!) Fortunately, the architect rebuilding the clown orphanage was also the clown’s mammy and a happy reunion was celebrated in Chopper’s biodome of SFGs and model railroads. Unfortunately, the clown was run over by one of the model trains and lost both legs. Fortunately, Martha remembered her favorite TV show as a child and belted out “Heeeelp Mr. Wizaaaaard.” Unfortunately, Mr. W. is dead. Fortunately, Brad Pitt had agreed to play Mr. Wizard in a movie & he showed up to help Martha in all his handsomeness! Unfortunately, he showed up with all his kids, and they trampled all through her SFG. Fortunately, her husband lured them into the restaurant kitchen and put them into the soup pot.
Page 7. Unfortunately, kids weren’t the soup of the day, so Martha put them to work washing dishes and turning compost. Fortunately, her husband knew how to make a nice stock sans pits – no olive pits, no peach pits and no little Jolie-Pitts, even though they had run amuck through her beloved squares. Unfortunately, the screenplay did not even resemble the book and the famous arm pit scene was omitted. Fortunately, there was an abandoned gravel pit down the road a piece where little pitts could disappear in a flash of hot olive oil. Unfortunately, the bbq pit was already being used to cook a spectacular feast for the Annual SFG Forum New Year’s Day Celebration, so the little Jolie-Pitts decided to run home to their multimillion dollar mansion for dinner.
Unfortunately, Martha's SFG, heretofore untouched by nary a sole, previously a beautifully loose, friable mix the envy of all her row-garden-hold-out friends... has now been compacted, squished, flattened, crushed, and altogether squashed beyond recognition.
Unfortunately, these people were mostly extended family members, who on occasion, would show up from near and far at Martha's restaurant, and then disappear into the heavily guarded private banquet room where Martha would distribute presents, and then point out the black sheep of the family, with whom she was very disappointed.
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